i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
