We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
