The maid of honor just puked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
