Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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