One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
