happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
