I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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