i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
