Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.

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  (614): If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold. http://tfl.nu/55cb
  Replies (14) Good night (6021) Bad night (971)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something

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  (516): I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something http://tfl.nu/tuha
  Replies (24) Good night (3930) Bad night (1094)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well now I have my semen on her headphones

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  (203): Well now I have my semen on her headphones http://tfl.nu/hho2
  Replies (7) Good night (2436) Bad night (2085)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months

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  (763): Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months http://tfl.nu/4w1o
  Replies (3) Good night (1723) Bad night (1242)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.

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  (215): I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse. http://tfl.nu/a9fq
  Replies (6) Good night (1667) Bad night (899)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo

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  (860): MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!! (860): I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo http://tfl.nu/vjys
  Replies (14) Good night (8640) Bad night (1185)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.

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  (201): Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain. http://tfl.nu/l4y5
  Replies (11) Good night (2763) Bad night (1523)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis

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  (860): He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis http://tfl.nu/bzb9
  Replies (4) Good night (1090) Bad night (754)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

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  (248): Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date? http://tfl.nu/49q5
  Replies (14) Good night (2639) Bad night (970)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.

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  (941): My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth. http://tfl.nu/e5tu
  Replies (11) Good night (1006) Bad night (829)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.

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  (952): I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me. http://tfl.nu/5m33
  Replies (1) Good night (1297) Bad night (506)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...

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  (406): Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you... http://tfl.nu/o96h
  Replies (5) Good night (1234) Bad night (501)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.

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  (208): Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/1euv
  Replies (1) Good night (880) Bad night (415)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.

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  (314): If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life. http://tfl.nu/s141
  Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (468)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?

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  (519): Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is? http://tfl.nu/qsbg
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (703)

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