I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?