i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
