that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?