I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.