Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
