Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.