ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
