so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.