i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
