the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
