Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its not stalking. its research.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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