i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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