So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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