Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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