I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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