none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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