I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
