singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
