Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
