This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
