I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
