We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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