I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
