I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
