Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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