You can't motorboat a personality
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
