mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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