On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
