So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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