my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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