he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
