I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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