I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
