yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
4 words: hood of his car
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
