Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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