I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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