I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
