Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
