soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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