it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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