Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
