either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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