God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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