Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
