Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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