I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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