i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
