I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
