So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize