I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
