At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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