I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
