it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
