You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
