3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
