Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
