I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
