Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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