Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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