the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
