I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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