I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
