So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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