Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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