You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
