meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
