either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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