honey bunches of taint.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
