i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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