My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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