I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
