I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
