The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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