Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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