she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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