we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
