Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
