Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
