so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
