If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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