he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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