you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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