i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think i have two assholes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
