I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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