Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
