I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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